That face
by samthegreat
Summary: moved from clamp. watanuki kimihiro has always hated that face of his. hate. that just has to be what he's feeling...cetainly not that other emotion.
1. just a journal

That face.

By samthegreat

Disclaimer: Slight yaoi, longing, and general heart ache and angst.

It's not that I hate him per say…it's just that when I see that face I want to…I want to!

I'm not even sure anymore what I want to do. I have played the part of the mortal enemy for so long that I kind of wonder if I am not really acting; I wonder if my feelings aren't what I had originally feared all those years ago.

But then, he does something like stand in the rain for ten hours or blocks a blade meant for me and then a flutter in my stomach confuses me all over again.

I felt that same flicker when we first met as children. Terrified by that unknown feeling and his unblinking stare, I let my animalistic instincts take over and the proverbial question flew to my mind…fight or flee? They divided us and I was grateful that face would not be a constant reminder of that first horrible tremor.

But Fate, in all its sadistic glory, has decided to throw us together so often in hopes to torment me, I'm sure. And my feelings are as confused as ever, maybe more so with the inclusion of Himawari-chan and Yuuko-san…not to mention the bizarre things we endure daily. Do I love Himawari-chan? If so, why does my negative passion for him outweigh my positive enthusiasm for her? Is that passion for him honestly negative? He spends so much time preoccupying my mind and at times when my guard is at its lowest we almost have a decent time together. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I do seek out his attention.

Like when we investigated the Angel-san for Himawari-chan and Yuuko-san made me wear those ridiculous head phones! He just turned away when he saw me in all my humiliated glory and me (being the masochist that I am) prompted him to tell me how strange I looked in the horrible little device.

Or the time the sister invited me out as a thank-you and he just had to come along. Not that I wanted anything to happen between me and one of the girls, but having him there…well, I felt like it attested to his female desirability and to my lack there of. If he hadn't of come, he wouldn't have witnessed that and perhaps a little leak of jealousy would spring through that thick head of his…not that I necessarily want that.

Sometimes he does say things that make me wonder if he feels something different for me. Like when he says he doesn't want me to get hurt. Even if he adds a harsh zinger to it, that part of my stomach that creates those flutters always remembers semi-kind words and half-endearments.

I think Yuuko-san might know my feelings, even though I'm sort of baffled. She smiles like she knows. And maybe that's why she always pairs us up on errands. Maybe that's Yuuko-san's way of secretly cheering me on, as if to silently say, "Go for it Watanuki! You think too much, so I'll set it up for you! " And if I could "go for it", then I would…not that I really want to.

So I guess I will remain tormented, hating him on the outside and hating him on the inside but not sure I want to do either. Whatever he's feeling, that face won't show, but maybe…just maybe…he's as confused as I am.

I can feel someone looking at me from behind so I snap my cloth bound journal shut and look over my shoulder in genuine curiosity. It's him.

"Did you pack the rice balls I asked for?" he asks blankly. I swoop my arm out in an overly dramatic way and glare my best and answer, "I don't take requests! This is the last time I will! I think I've more than paid off my debt to you." He covers his ears as he takes a seat next to me. His eyes roam over the journal next to me and I protectively place a hand over it.

"What's that?" he asks nonchalantly. "Nothing you have to worry about." He drops the topic but as we eat I can see him eye the book every once in a while. "It's my journal, okay!" I howl. He looks up from the bento box and calmly asks to read it. "Why?" I choke out, feeling guilty and as if I was about to be uncovered as the twisted person I really am.

"I'd like to see what you write about. It would be…" He chooses his word slowly, "interesting." "Yeah, so you could mock my inner most thoughts," I mumble harshly. His eyes flash for a second and he turns away. "Mostly."

And that stupid spot in my stomach turns and I can't help but say his name softly, "Doumeki…" He turns towards me and I feel as if my heart is going to come pouring out of my mouth.

"Watanuki-kun, Doumeki-kun! Sorry I'm late!" Himawari-chan has great timing. If she hadn't show up right then, I would have done something I might have regretted...or maybe I wouldn't have. I spring into character and grab the bento box as I gracefully dance over to Himawari-chan, squealing that she isn't late at all.

As Himawari-chan begins to chatter about unimportant things and I listen partly amazed, partly bored, I notice Doumeki noticing me. I spare a small nod towards him as apology for my previous snippy remark. That face of his looks back at mine and I hope at that moment he'll attribute the blush on my cheeks to Himawari-chan.

Because I know it's really from him.

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	2. absentee valentine

That face

by: samthegreat

disclaimer: characters aren't mine of course.

He asked the strangest thing yesterday.

"So, that Zashiki Warashi. How is she?"

I blinked at the question. He had asked it so casually that it sounded as if she lived in the same apartment building as I did. As if we regularly caught each other while exiting and entering the building. I thought back to the last time I had seen the spirit.

"It's been awhile since I've seen her last." He seemed satisfied by my answer and continued to eat the bento I had made. "The last time we saw each other was when I gave her that present for Valentine's Day." He stopped eating.

"You gave her a Valentine's day gift?" he asked. I felt kind of nervous that he hadn't just dropped the topic. "Yeah, I couldn't decide what to get her though. I couldn't count on food because I was unsure as to when I'd see her and jewelry is too personal and stuffed animals are cute but aren't very practical. So, I bought her these little hair pins. She really seemed to like it." I was rambling and I knew it.

"Oh," he said quietly, "Well, she probably thought you put a lot of thought into the gift." I felt like he was dismissing the present I had honestly tried hard on. "Oh, but I did put a lot of thought into it. I mean, I really don't know her that well and I wanted to find something appropriate that she would really like."

He was staring at me and I was trying hard to suppress the blush in my cheeks while internally chiding myself for babbling again. He turned away and began eating again. I let out a silent sign of relief that the discussion was over.

"You know," he began again and I froze, "I think that you choose a good present for her. If I remember right, that Zashiki Warashi had a cute hair cut, right? Hair pins are a good gift." I started to blush.

I imagined the pretty face of the spirit, smiling and blushing as she cooed over the hair pins I had given her. Strong hands removed the clips from her own and placed them gently in her hair as the two commented on the beauty of her hair, the pins, and the combination of the both. Strangely, the owner of the hands was Doumeki.

I shook my head furiously to shake the image of the intimate couple. He was starring at me intensely once again. "What," I choked out. I felt as if he had seen into my mind and witnessed the little day dream I had. "I was just thinking that considering how you had given me a White Day present, I should give you one for Valentine's Day." I sputtered.

"What? I never gave you a White Day present!" "Yes, you did. You gave me that Fondant au Chocolat." I raged. "You stole that! I never gave it to you. It was meant for Himawari-chan! You, you…!"

But I have a feeling my ranting fell upon deaf ears because he just went on eating my bento and listing off possible Valentine's Day presents.

Watanuki checked his watch for what seemed like the fiftieth time in the last half hour as he placed his journal into his school bag. He was waiting for that person and of course that person was late. He sighed heavily. Watanuki hated waiting.

If it was up to him, he would already be at Yuuko-san's shop, performing all the annoying little tasks his mistress demanded. But Doumeki had made a request. He had asked the bespectacled boy to come to his archery practice that day, citing that he had something for him. Suspiciously, Watanuki had refused. Yuuko-san, however, commanded him to give into the other's request. In an act of rebellion, Watanuki complied but only on the grounds that they would meet after his practice in the park where they had rescued the doomed girl from her flowery death.

However, it was getting late, well after the practice should have ended, and the blue eyed boy was getting very irritated with the other. He looked around the park and spotted two timid lovers standing underneath a large oak. His heart pulsed with a quick beat of pain as he watched the two try to be nonchalant, coyly touching hands and giving each other come hither stares. He too longed for that kind of intimacy, especially lately. He shrugged off the feeling and began walking towards the front of the park, intent to leave without rendezvousing with the taller boy.

As he neared the front gate, however he saw the other running towards him. When Doumeki reached the shorter boy, he doubled over in attempts to catch his breath. "You're late. I was about to leave." The archer stood to his full height, "Practice went long. We have a competition coming up soon." "Well, that's nice for you, but I have to get to Yuuko-san's and make her dinner before she docks my pay again."

"Wait," he said as he began fishing through his pocket. Doumeki pulled out a small box about the size of a ring box. It was wrapped in a metallic red paper and topped with silver ribbon. The taller boy placed it in the others hand. "What's this?" Watanuki asked with a perplexed look on his face. "For Valentine's Day."

Watanuki gulped and fought the blush creeping into his cheeks. "Doumeki, you really didn't have to," he began as he undid the ribbon. He lifted the lid of the box and inside was…

two black hair pins with silver stars at the ends.

"What the hell is this?" the shorter one sputtered, "Hair clips! I'm not a girl!" He clutched the box in his hand and glared daggers at the taller boy. Doumeki smiled and threw the bespectacled boy off guard. "No," he removed the box from the shorter boy's hands and took the hair pins out, "You certainly are not a girl. But, like that Zashiki Warashi…" Doumeki placed the pins into the other boy's hair.

"…I think you have a cute haircut too."

Watanuki's face flushed as Doumeki's hands seemed to linger in his hair. "Doumeki." He seemed to be leaning down into the shorter boy. Booming thunder stopped the two as a torrent seemed to appear from nowhere. "Damn it," Doumeki cursed as he and the other continued to get soaked.

It was then that Watanuki realized just how late it was. "When did it get so dark? Yuuko-san's going to kill me for having to wait so late for her dinner!" "I'll go and help you, since it's my fault you're out so late." A streak of lighting ended the discussion as Watanuki grabbed Doumeki's hand and hurried towards the wish granting shop.

Once at the shop, Watanuki grumbled and groaned in the kitchen as Doumeki served Yuuko-san and the strange black creature liquor. Yuuko-san's wasn't too mad about him being so late…the real problem was that the pins were still in Watanuki's hair upon his arrival at the shop.

"He's so much fun," Yuuko-san giggled as she and Mokona continued to drink and tease the boy.


	3. Date with a sunflower

That face

by: samthegreat

disclaimer: characters aren't mine.

I feel empty inside.

I had wanted it for so long, and when it happened and we said our goodbyes, I felt horrible inside. I just wish it never really happened. I wish the hopes of my heart were never answered because it doesn't feel like it was worth it.

It started off as a normal day. He was annoying me and snooping around the bento I had prepared for that days lunch. I kept it closely guarded while waiting for Himawari-chan's arrival. She jogged up shouting her salutations to him and me. "Sorry, I'm always late, I know." "Not at all, Himawari-chan. I don't mind one bit." I heard him mumble something about idiots being patient but ignored it as I offered Himawari-chan the first taste of the bento.

"This is great, Watanuki-kun!" I beamed a chose to ignore the satisfied noise that he made. "Oi, Watanuki-kun," I heard Himawari-chan begin again, "I was wondering if you would like to go to the movies with me tomorrow." I felt my heart jump into my throat and was about to answer her when he spoke up, "That sounds fine. What movie do you want to see?" I couldn't believe his nerve! I was moments from verbally thrashing him when Himawari-chan saved me the trouble.

"Oh, Doumeki-kun. I was kind of hoping it would be just me and Watanuki-kun this once." "Oh." He continued to eat. "Well, Watanuki-kun, would you like to go with me?" I felt him looking at me. I cautiously met his eyes and my anger flared back up. Why did he automatically think that when ever I was invited anywhere that it was an invitation for two. I turned back towards Himawari-chan and smiled brightly, "I'd love to go with you to the movies!" He continued eating.

That afternoon he walked me home from school. It was quiet between us, but I didn't mind. I would have preferred it if he wasn't there at all. I didn't want him ruining the excitement of being asked out by Himawari-chan. We got to my apartment building. As I was walking in the front door, he stopped me. "Oi, Watanuki," I heard him call from the stoop. I looked back at him and saw a confused and nervous look I had never seen before on his face. "How much do you like Kunogi? I mean, how much do you really like her?"

I looked down at that face and that stop in my stomach I hate so much flared up. This has to be hate I reasoned. I only feel this way with him. It can't be that other emotion because if it was, I'd feel it around Himawari-chan too because I know how I feel about her. I just know. "I like Himawari-chan just fine." I slam the door behind me.

The next day I met her at the theater. She looked as cute as always, but I felt queasy when she took my arm and said teasingly that we were going to see a romantic comedy. In the theater, I kept my distance. I wish I could say the same for the spirits. They slipped in and out through the wall and brushed against me, making me shiver. "Cold?" she whispered softly while throwing me a smile. "A little," I lied.

As much as I hated to admit it, it was better last time when he was there to ward them off. I hated to think that a part of me actually needed him. I made a mental note to ask Yuuko-san when our agreement would go into effect and I'd lose my ability to see spirits. The movie ended and I was grateful. I was even more grateful when Himawari-chan asked me to walk her home. I meant our date was coming to an end. I couldn't take much more of this.

We said goodbye to each other, and before she entered her home she stopped and turned back towards me. "Oi, Watanuki-kun, I had fun, but maybe next time the three of us could do something together. I missed your and Doumeki-kun's fights." She smiled and left. I missed it too. I felt so empty inside.

Watanuki chewed on the end of his pen and decided that that was enough writing for today. Yesterday's events had left him drained and it really helped to write it down. He put his journal away and looked around the shrine. Watanuki had come to see the other boy, but ended up having to wait for him to get back from running some errands. The shrine grounds were peaceful. It was strange. The bespectacled boy imagined that the serenity of the surroundings had contributed to how Doumeki's personality was. He was quiet and calm, like the shrine.

"Oi." He turned to his side and saw the taller boy holding a few bags. "Hey," he said awkwardly. "Wait, let me put these inside." Watanuki waited with a nervousness that seemed unnatural. He didn't have to wait long as he soon saw the other boy dash out of the house and then slow his pace to a casual walk. He sat next to the shorter boy, but looked straight ahead.

Finally, he chose to break the silence. "So, how did your date with Kunogi go?" "Awful!" he blurted before he could control his tongue. He slapped a hand over his mouth and chose to ignore the satisfied look on the other's face. "Why so bad?" Watanuki had thought about it all night. Why had something he wanted so much turn out so badly? The back of his mind whispered the answer, but not loud enough to get through to his stubborn brain. "It just wasn't all that I thought it might have been," he whispered softly in a broken voice.

"Maybe it's for the best," Doumeki commented gently. Watanuki turned to look at the other boy. There wasn't a satisfied smirk on his face and he wasn't looking down on him with pity either. His face was the same it always was. It was open and honest. There was no judgment in his face. The spot in Watanuki's stomach that always betrayed him at such inopportune times made it self known. Maybe he didn't really understand what he felt for Himawari-chan. And if he didn't understand his feelings for her, maybe he wasn't very certain about what this tingling meant.

"Oi, Watanuki. Maybe you'd like to go to the movies with me tonight." He didn't say it like it was a request, just a comment that could be easily retracted. Watanuki nodded. That night at the movies, the ghosts stayed back and allowed Watanuki to concentrate on the movie. And when Doumeki placed his hand over Watanuki's, it was only allowed to keep the spirits at bay of course.

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	4. mission manga

That face

by: samthegreat

disclaimer: Watanuki and Doumeki aren't mine, but I could probably by Himawari-chan off of eBay…

"I won't lie to you. It will be very dangerous," Yuuko-san said seriously as she swished around the liquor in her glass. To have Yuuko-san actually admit that she was sending me on a dangerous mission made me extra nervous. "Luckily," she continued, "I'll be sending Doumeki along with you." I paled. Ever since that night at the movies, I had been avoided moments where the two of us might be alone.

"What exactly do we need to do," he asked. "A contact of mine will leave something very important, very valuable at a very dangerous location." "So all we have to do is go and pick it up. That's it?" "That's all," she said with a smirk. I knew there was going to be more to it than just this. I wanted to leave the shop, to get away from Yuuko-san's smirk and promises of disaster. I wanted to escape the slow glances and secret smiles Doumeki was giving me. Tomorrow was Saturday and the day after that I'd have to handle whatever this crazy mission entitled. I sighed loudly.

He insisted on walking me home. Protesting just got me more of those looks and smiles, as if he was secretly winning a war. "My archery competition is tomorrow," he added with a sort of casualness that suggested it was a big deal to him. "Maybe you'll come." "Not a chance," I said defensively, which was strange. I felt him give me a look I knew I would give in to, so I avoided his eyes all together. I did see his mouth begin to open but before he could say anything, I caught a glimpse of Himawari-chan.

"Himawari-chan!" I waved happily. "Watanuki-kun, Doumeki-kun! Hi!" Then she turned her full attention onto him. "Doumeki-kun, are you ready for tomorrow?" "I suppose." She smiled and turned to me, "You'll be there tomorrow, won't you Watanuki-kun?" I shook my head and was about to protest when she pouted sweetly. "Oh, Watanuki-kun, you just have to come. We need to cheer our Doumeki-kun on to victory." I was adamant about not going, but she was just so cute when she pouted. "Sure, Himawari-chan. I'll be there."

We said goodbye to Himawari-chan and continued home. He was unusually quiet, but I felt his eyes as a constant on me. I had enough. "What?" He was expecting it. "I ask you to come to my competition tomorrow and, oh no, you can't. But all Kunogi has to do is smile and you're so willing to accommodate." "So, what's wrong with that?" "You still like her!" he shouted. I never thought I would hear him shout. I think he was surprised too. I was still mad though, "Of course, I still like her. Did you think that one bad experience would change how I felt about her? Did you think I'd magically forget, that I'd give up and turn to you?"

I wasn't aware of what exactly I was saying until it was already out. I could tell by the way he refused to look at me that I was right. This was a truth that I couldn't handle, not right then. "Just forget about it," I mumbled. I began to walk away. "Oi, Watanuki, wait." I ignored him.

The next morning, I dreaded going to the competition. I had to, though. I met Himawari-chan there. She chatted excitedly and was in disbelief that I had never been to one of his archery competitions. "Doumeki-kun is so wonderful. He looks so cool when he strings his bow!" I ping of jealousy spread through my chest. I envied Himawari-chan. I envied her ability to give compliments so easily without having to be concerned about the different ways they could be taken. I was jealous that she could refer to Doumeki with a –kun at the end and physical contact between her and him or me and her could be laughed off so casually. There was nothing secret about Himawari-chan. She wasn't trying to deny anything like I was. No. she was honest like Doumeki.

"Oi, there he is!" She shouted his name and waved cheerfully. I looked down from the bleachers to see him look up straight at her, wave, and smile. It pained me again. I was privilege to those sorts of smiles because I blocked them before he could create them. I just watched on as he loaded his bow and took his first shot. Perfect, of course. I watched his stance, the graceful way he drew the boy, the way he held his breath right before he let it go. To myself, I could finally admit just how cool he looked. I was attracted to his tall frame and thin figure. Attracted to the underlying strength and the grace he used to control it. And that face, for all that I had hated it, didn't look so bad when it was concentrated on the target.

I felt the blood drain from my face and concentrate in a very inconvenient place. Horrified, I quickly excused my self to Himawari-chan and stood carefully to go to the rest room. His arrow missed its mark. It was slightly off center. Himawari-chan cried out disappointed and insisted I stay to watch him make a comeback. I sat back down and he was perfect again. Then I thought, had he been watching me? My attempting to leave, had that caused him to falter? The rest of the match, he had no problems. He was perfect.

A crowd of people rushed him after he had won and I took it as a cue to leave and prepare for the next day's mission. I had just left the school grounds when I heard his common greeting. "Oi." I turned to face him. I refused to lower my eyes but even more importantly I was refusing to apologize. I think he knew that. He neared me and gingerly cupped my jaw. "Nice match. Congratulations," I said boldly. "Yeah?" he asked not at all surprised. "Yeah." If he had kissed me then, I wouldn't have fought. I would have told that spot in my stomach, 'See, I'll give it a try. Now, shut up.' He was leaning in but never met me. Himawari-chan…

"Congrats, Doumeki-kun!" She embraced him loosely. She turned merrily to me, "Now, aren't you glad you came Watanuki-kun!" I couldn't help but smile and nod. As she chatted on about how we should celebrate, I looked over at Doumeki. He mouthed, 'I'm sorry.'

And now I'm stuck on this stupid bus heading for the middle of nowhere just for Yuuko-san's damn mission!

Watanuki slammed shut the journal as he said for the hundredth tie that day, "No, you can't read it!" Doumeki didn't look deterred, "I'm sure it's full of important things." "That's right." He gave the shorter boy a secret look. "Do you write about me?" The other nodded. "So, I'm important to you." "You're annoying, that's what you are!" The bus came to its final destination and the two feuding boys got off. Down the road was what had to of been the creepiest Western style mansion with the worst stench that Watanuki had ever encountered. He began to cough. "Oi," he felt a hand being placed on the back of his neck, "Stay close to me, I'll protect you."

They headed to the house. The front door opened with a creak and billows of black smoke assaulted the shorter of the two. He gave into a fit of coughing as the taller led him inside with soothing, "It's okay, I'm here. I'll protect you." But it wasn't okay. The inside was a work of horrors. Floating monsters, suicide maidens, invisible demons, and ghosts in general occupied the house. They all had two things in common: they all wanted Watanuki, and all hated Doumeki. He was able to drive the more sinister spirits way, but Doumeki knew that the house was big and dangerous and Watanuki couldn't make it all the way through.

"Oi, where are we supposed to go?" "Yuuko-san said it would be in a paper bag on a mantle in one of the back rooms," the bespectacled boy huffed with exhaustion. It was too much. The homicidal stares of the ghost and the horrifying feeling of certain doom were too much for him. He sank down to his knees as a terrible and awesome power crept up behind him. "Oi, it's okay. Just breathe." He looked up at the other boy. "It's not okay," he motioned behind him slightly, "Something's about to get me." He said it so calmly, as if to announce, 'This is my death, I enter into it of my own free will.' In that moment, Doumeki felt what the other felt and was horrified. Grabbing the other boy, He through Watanuki out of the way as whatever monster was after the smaller boy, grabbed a hold of the archer instead.

His body was sent upwards and with a painfully series of thuds and cracks, Doumeki gave into the monster and screamed. Jus as soon as it started, it was over. The monster had a prize and quickly dragged Doumeki out of the room and into an unexplored area of the mansion. Watanuki was too terrified for words. Well, all except for one, "Doumeki!" Ignoring the pain in his chest and the loaming villains, he took off running in the direction the monster had carried the other. He skidded to a halt as he saw a large granite mantle with a non-descript paper bag. With out thinking twice, he grabbed the bag and continued his search.

He huffed as he came to the room he knew Doumeki was in. In one corner, lay the crumpled boy. He rushed to his side. "Doumeki! Doumeki! Answer me right now, Doumeki Shizuka!" The boy opened his eyes slowly and smiled the same smile he wore at the archery competition. Watanuki smiled back through his tears. He knew that though he had look at Himawari-chan, that smile was really for him. "Are you alright? Can you stand?" The taller boy shook his head and lightly ran his hand over his cracked ribs. "Why?" he heard the shorter boy demand. "Why do you always put yourself in danger for me? Tell me! Why?" Doumeki offered that smile again, "How could I let my Kimihiro get hurt. Don't you know idiots have a low pain tolerance?" Watanuki let out a sob as his arms encircled the other boy. They were going to die and he knew it. The monsters were hungry and the boys were delicious. "It's okay," he told the archer, "I'm here." The first spirit struck and he knew they were dead because he heard a horrible scream.

But he hadn't moved his lips. He looked up to see a man dressed in crimson and black slaying the monster. Two others, and blonde in blue and a boy wearing a cape doing a series of kicks, where assisting. He recognized them. With the last spirit slain, the man in black huffed and looked down at him, "He dead?" He shook his head, "No…but, you're those clients of Yuuko-san. Why are you here?" The one in blue smiled, "The dimensional witch told us if we wanted something valuable, we'd have to come help the two of you since you'd most likely be slacking off and making out."

The boy with glasses paled and was about to protest as the tall man in black moved to carry Doumeki. "Be careful, Kurogane-san," the brown haired boy said softly as he threw an understanding smile at Watanuki. As if by magic, they were in Yuuko-san's shop yet again. The girl who had been with the group before hand was there and ran over with a worried expression. "Is he okay? Is anyone else hurt?" "We're all fine, hime," the boy reassured her with a smile. "Good job." Yuuko stood in a floral kimono. She handed the boy a box. "I think you earned this." "And it will help us get the feather in that world." "But of course," she said with a smirk. He thanked her and the white Mokona spread its wings and sent them away to another world.

She looked down at the two boys. "He'll be fine, Watanuki. This much damage will heal." Watanuki handed her a bag. "Ah, good," She looked at the bag's contents greedily and pulled out…

"Manga! You had us almost killed for manga!" Watanuki was irate as he prepared their evening meal. Yuuko-san poured a drink for the bandaged Doumeki and ignored his rants. "Don't you ignore me, Yuuko-san! What was the meaning of this whole mission?" She looked at him innocently, "What, I think it was worth it." He was about to scream again, but a hand on his neck stopped him. "Oi, calm down." The bespectacled boy sighed and returned to the kitchen. "Oi, Doumeki-kun, Watanuki listens to you so well now." The taller boy grinned into his glass of liquor, "Of course he does. I'm his important person." From the kitchen came the protests, "Annoying, annoying! Not important!"

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	5. a sunflower's birthday

That face

by: samthegreat

disclaimer: nothing new here

I had been waiting for some time for that date to arrive. Had it been a month or so sooner, I'd be bouncing off the walls, swooning with stars in my eyes. But that time has passed and I don't feel that way for her anymore. Don't get me wrong, Himawari-chan is my dear friend and I'm really excited for her seventh birthday, but I'm afraid to be too excited less it starts a fight with that person. Himawari-chan and my past obsession with her is a touchy subject with him.

Not that I really give a damn. It's his problem, not mine. I just want things to stay harmonious for Himawari-chan's birthday. Yeah, that's all. At least when I brought up possible presents for her, he didn't sigh and mumble about me being in love with her. "You have any ideas?" he asked as we walked to Yuuko-san's shop. "Not anymore. Nothing that would be appropriate anyways." He seemed satisfied, as if it was a test to see my true feelings for Himawari-chan. "Look," I turned to him and huffed, "Himawari-chan is a very good friend to the both of us and as such, it is our duty to give her a good birthday! So whatever bitterness you have, get rid of it! You have nothing to be jealous over. I don't like Himawari-chan that way."

He took this information silently. Then, "We'll get her nice gifts and maybe we could throw her a small party." I was so relieved and a little proud that he was so mature about it. "But the moment I see you giving her goggle eyes and start acting like a love struck fool…" "Damn it! I don't love her!"

The next day at school, Himawari-chan was in high spirits. "Doumeki-kun, Watanuki-kun! I want you two to be the first I invite to my birthday celebration!" She handed us pink envelopes that contained delicate-looking invitations. She blushed, "If the day is inconvenient for you, don't worry about coming. It's not a big deal at all." Doumeki and I met eyes. "No," he assured her, "We'll be there." She switched gears, "Great! It's going to be a huge party. My parents throw it every year and invite so many people. I wanted you two to be there!" This was perfect. Himawari-chan would have to visit with all of her guests meaning she would spend very little time around me meaning that he wouldn't accuse me of anything.

So all that left was her presents. I agreed to stay during his practice so we could talk afterwards about what to get Himawari-chan. "Kunogi is pretty girly. Something pink maybe." "That doesn't limit it much." "Well, what can you think of?" I thought for a while. "I could always make her something tasty." "And put both of our names on it." He nodded satisfied as if our present problems had been solved. They hadn't! "No way! I'd be doing all the work. Why should your name go on it too?" "I could help you," he offered. "No that won't do," I looked away and I'm sure I was blushing, "Besides, Himawari-chan might think something sinister if we gave her a gift together…like we were a couple."

"What's wrong with that?" I wasn't surprised that he said that. He had been saying things like that a lot lately. Once I would have been disgusted by a comment like that. Now, something whispers in me, 'Yeah, what's wrong with that.' He took my hand. He had been doing a lot of that too. I turned bright red and mumbled, "Not now," as I took my hand away. We were both quiet for a while. "You know, we should buy her some hair clips." I felt a tightening in my chest. "Oh, because she has cute hair," I said with just a little venom behind those words. He smiled at me in one of his secret ways. He was laughing at me. "Not that I would care," I added quickly, "It would get you off of my back finally." I caught his eyes and that smile within them spread to that tightening in my chest.

"Oi, what time should I pick you up for the party?" "What makes you think I'm going with you?" I hated he always assumed things before they were actually decided. "You don't want to go with me?" I sighed, "Us going there together would be suspicious. What would Himawari-chan think?" "Who cares what she thinks," he huffed. I had instigated the fight and now I regretted it. "Doumeki…" He turned to me. "I'll let you take me to the party on one condition." He was smirking, "And what's that?" "You can't act jealous of Himawari-chan or accuse me of still liking her in that way." He looked thoughtful and then took my hand. He gave it a squeeze, "Deal."

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad to have let him hold my hand. And maybe if I had leaned in a bit, I could have found out just exactly what I am feeling for him. But, it didn't turn out like that. I'm too stubborn and too afraid. But I hear him ringing the door bell now so I don't have time to mope about what might have been if I had allowed it to happen.

Watanuki hurried to open the door. Doumeki was on the other side. "Oi." The taller boy walked into the apartment and looked around. It was very clean and simple. It suited Watanuki. "I just have to put the bow on Himawari-chan's present," Watanuki called to the other boy. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Doumeki walked around the living room, staring intently at each picture he came across. The shorter had to admit it to himself, the archer looked really good tonight. He was wearing black pants and a short sleeved, tight black shirt. He ducked his head and blushed.

"Why'd you stop looking at me?" Doumeki asked from over his shoulder. "I…I wasn't." The other sighed and flopped down next to the other. "Don't lie. I could feel you looking at me. I like your eyes on me." Watanuki turned bright crimson and shot straight up. Grabbing Himawari-chan's present, he said a little too happily, "We should get going. Don't want to be late to Himawari-chan's party."

They arrived at the celebration quickly. Himawari herself answered the door. "I'm so glad you two could come. Come in! Come in! Enjoy yourselves!" She danced off to a group of her party guests. The place was crowded and noisy. People chatted loudly and music was blearing in the back ground. The two pushed through the crowd until they found a suitable place to observe the party from. "You thirsty?" Watanuki nodded. The taller boy wondered off to find some refreshments.

Watanuki looked on as a cute girl stopped the other. She was short and had a curvy frame. She wore a short dress and was leaning heavily into the archer. He felt his stomach clench. "Um, excuse me." He turned to see a shy looking girl timidly smiling at him. "I'm Yuiko-chan." He nodded to her and gave his name, but was more interested in what was going on between the cute girl and Doumeki. "I'm Himawari-chan's cousin. Are you a friend of hers? Do you go to the same school." He tried his best to be social, but couldn't get a horrible image out of his mind. He imagined the cute girl leaning into the taller boy. Her smiling mouth meeting his in a passionate kiss. He shook his head. He had to stop imagining Doumeki with these different women.

He looked over and saw said boy walking away from the slightly shocked girl. "Oi." The bespectacled boy was so relived. The girl that was trying to talk to Watanuki seemed to shrivel up and blow away in the taller boy's presence. "So," the shorter boy began, "What did that girl want? To dance with you?" "Actually, she told me she was just a distraction." "Eh?" He grinned, "She said that her sister, that girl who was talking to you, was interested, so she was sent to keep me away for a while." Watanuki was bright red, "You don't say." "Yeah, she said something about her sister being attracted to dopey looking boys." Watanuki fumed, "She said what?" Doumeki got very serious, "Don't worry. I told her I was attracted to dopey looking boys too and I saw you first."

Watanuki looked away. "I need some air," he mumbled. "I'll join you." The two leaned against the fence that surrounded Himawari's house. "Are you okay?" "No not really." The taller looked down at the other boy tenderly. "Confused?" "Yeah, very much so. I…I can't believe you would say something like that to a stranger…a stranger who turned out to be Himawari-chan's cousin. What if she tells her? What will Himawari-chan say?" Doumeki bite his tongue as he remembered his promise to the other boy. "I'm sorry," he said softly, "It's just how I feel about you." Watanuki hardened his face, "I'm going home." As he began to walk away, he was met by the smiling face of Himawari.

"So here you two are. I wanted to open your presents to me with just the three of us." She held both gifts in her hands. "Hold this please, Doumeki-kun. I'll open Watanuki-kun's gift first." She removed the pink ribbon from the simple white box and ohhed and ahhed at the contents. It was a small personal-sized cake with sweet pink icing and white candles made out of chocolate. "Watanuki-kun, I don't know what to say. It's so pretty. I love it!" She took the other gift from Doumeki-kun and began removing the dark blue wrapping. "Oh, Doumeki-kun. I adore it! A picture of the three of us. How nice." Watanuki looked at the frame in Himawari's hands.

It was a picture taken by Doumeki at their mini-celebration after he had won that archery competition. It was an 8x10 in a simple black frame. In the picture, Himawari-chan had an arm thrown around the shorter boy, who was blushing madly. The other boy was to her side, looking over at her captive. He had noticed that. Doumeki was always looking at the shorter boy. "Himawari-chan, I'm glad you liked your gifts. We'll be going home now, though." She looked disappointed. "Alright, I suppose I should get back to the party anyways. Thank you for coming."

The walk to Watanuki's apartment was quiet. "Hey, Doumeki. When did you know you felt this way about me?" The taller boy looked surprised. "The night we told ghost stories, I suppose. Being able to protect you when those ghosts were trying to pull you into their darkness, I really liked that. It felt right. I realized that I always wanted to protect you." The shorter boy stopped and looked up at the other, "Recently I've felt something that I can not easily explain. I'm going to try this once, so don't think anything of it. And I swear if you tease me about it, I'll kill you." The archer noticed the murderous look on Watanuki's face. "Alright." Watanuki stepped close to Doumeki. He imaged those thoughts of the other with the girl from the party and the cute spirit. He gulped and leaned up. Doumeki leaned down and met him. That pain in his stomach was gone. All that was left was his lips on Doumeki's. And it wasn't so bad.

Watanuki made a mental note to pack away his journal. He didn't think he'd need to write about that annoying little spot in his stomach again.

review.

next chapter will probably be the last. unless tempted otherwise.


	6. like it never happened

That face  
by: samthegreat

disclaimer: same as always

He had been coming over to Watanuki's apartment everyday since the night of Himawari's party. Said blue eyed boy looked up from his homework and over to the taller boy, who just happened to be sleeping on his sofa. That's how it had been everyday. They would enter the apartment and Doumeki would ambush the shorter boy with passionate kisses. They would move to the coach (or sometimes the bed). It was always Watanuki who stopped the act from going into the areas beyond heavy petting and making out. He sighed and inwardly congratulated himself on his self-restraint. Not everyone would be so willing to stop a lustful and wonton Doumeki as he grinded on top of them. No matter how much he enjoyed himself in their romps, he wasn't ready to cross that line.

He blushed as he reached over and shook the taller boy. "Hey, wake up. It's time to go over to Yuuko-san's so I can prepare her dinner." Doumeki sat up and stretched as if he was trying to reach the heavens. A small portion of his stomach exposed itself as his shirt rid up. Watanuki looked quickly away, embarrassed. "Why do you look away from me when you obviously don't want to?" "What are you talking about?" he said defensively. Doumeki motioned to the growing tightness in the shorter boy's pants. He turned quickly away and willed his lower half to behave. "Very funny, mocking something I can't control!" "Why do you want to control it? It's natural and I really enjoy it." Doumeki was giving him that lustful look again. "Let's just go," he mumbled.

Watanuki sighed as he slaved over the hot stove. He would have much more preferred to be lounging about like Yuuko-san and Doumeki were. He listened absently to their conversation. "How have you been today, Doumeki?" "Fine." "Do anything interesting today after school?" "I was over at Watanuki's apartment all day." "Again? You've been there after school every day this week haven't you," she said with a smirk, "Sounds a little suspicious to me." Watanuki interrupted nervously, "Oh ho ho. I know! Doumeki is so annoying. But I can't get rid of him. He comes over after school now to bother me. I guess he doesn't think he's annoying enough during school." Yuuko looked at the nervously laughing boy disapprovingly, "I suppose." Watanuki returned to the kitchen to escape Doumeki's hurt eyes.

On their way home, Doumeki was silent. The shorter boy had learned that this was never a good sign. "You're upset." "How'd you guess?" Watanuki sighed, "I'm sorry." "Why can't you just tell Yuuko about our relationship? Hell, she probably already knows about it." "I…I just can't. I'm not ready." They stopped in front of his apartment building. "I'll see you tomorrow," Doumeki shouted over his shoulder as he began to leave. "Wait," the bespectacled boy intruded, "Um, you want to come up for a while." The taller boy turned back to his reluctant lover. He was blushed and refused to look at the archer. He had offered this in hopes of pacification, but Doumeki wouldn't let it be that easy for him. "That's okay," he turned back around to leave, "I don't want you doing anything you aren't ready for. Just forget anything ever happened between us. It's probably for the best, Watanuki."

The next day, Doumeki wasn't in school. Watanuki starred into his too-full bento box. He couldn't eat all of this by himself. He always depended on the boy with the healthy appetite when he prepared the box every morning. "Sorry, I know I'm late." I looked up at Himawari with a weak smile and assured her she wasn't late. As they ate and Himawari chatted about the days events, he looked to his side where the taller boy usually occupied. It just wasn't the same. When had he become so accustomed to the other boy?

After school, he resolved himself. He would go to the shrine and apologize to the other boy. He climbed the stairs to the shrine. The bespectacled boy looked around. He remembered the last time he had been there. That time he had acted like a fool as well and Doumeki forgave him without a second thought. Maybe he would get lucky this time too. He approached the front door of the shrine's living quarters. I knocked gingerly. He waited and waited. No response. The blue eyed boy signed, defeated and disappointed. He couldn't help but feel that Doumeki was doing this on purpose just to toy with him. With one last look over his shoulder, he left the grounds of the shrine and headed to the wish granting shop.

"You look a little tense today, Watanuki." The elegant shop keep turned her eyes from her little black companion to her indentured servant. He ignored her and continued airing out her various possessions. Yuuko shrugged and continued to drink as the black Mokona took its time moving its chess piece across the two toned board. "Check!" it shouted happily. "Oh, Mokona! You're so cool!" The two giggled and took swings from their beer cans. The makeshift maid sighed in his misery as he imagined what drunken requests would be made of him that afternoon. "Really," he heard her silky voice cut in again, "You do seem tense. A little annoyed, maybe worried. Trouble with Doumeki, maybe?" He huffed and pretended to be concentrating at his task at hand. She smirked and congratulated herself for her intuition. "Lover's quarrels are always so pointless, but very romantic."

He spun towards her horrified. "Doumeki and I are not lovers!" She smiled softly as she examined the chess board before her. "Really, we aren't! Why would you think that! I can't stand him! Plus, I love Himawari-chan! I really do." Yuuko nodded silently but kept her smirk. Watanuki stood up with a furious look in his eyes. "Fine, don't believe me. But I'm not involved with him at all!" He turned to retreat from the room. "Watanuki." He turned back to the beckoning woman. "The heart may seem like the biggest traitor at this moment, but it just knows more sooner than the rest of your body. This is a time to trust in the unknown, because it is going to happen anyways. Your heart already decided it for you." She silently moved her bishop and smiled graciously at the black Mokona. "Check mate! Now, Watanuki! What's for dinner?"

The next day at school was uneventful for the bespectacled boy. He hadn't seen the taller boy all day. Lunch came and he walked slowly to the outside grounds of the school. "He's probably doing this to torment me," he muttered as he hung his head even lower. "Oi, talking to yourself? Aren't you strange enough?" The shorter boy spun around and faced the other. He fumed. "Why haven't you been in school? I've been worried." "Why worry," the archer replied blandly, "There is nothing between us." With that, Doumeki pushed pass the shocked boy and retreated into the crowd of students. He moved to follow the taller boy but was stopped by the cheerful voice of Himawari-chan. "Hi Watanuki-kun! Let's have lunch together." He gave her a half smile as he tried to look around her small but imposing frame. "That sounds nice," he commented absently as he looked on to the other boy.

His eyes shifted quickly to the girl in front of him and noticed her worried face. "Watanuki-kun, are you alright? You look a little pale and nervous." "No," he whispered as he felt a stinging in his heart, "I'm not alright." His hand flew to his chest and he clenched his school uniform tightly. 'Your heart already decided it for you.' "That's right," he mumbled slightly. "Watanuki-kun, are you feeling ill? Hurt? What's wrong with you?" Sweet Himawari-chan. So nice of her to worry, but Watanuki knew that this sort of pain she could not help with. "I'm not alright," he yelled and he grabbed at his chest, "Because I'm in love with Doumeki Shizuka!"

The school seemed to stop in that moment. With his hand still to his chest, he froze and allowed his to roam the school grounds. Himawari-chan looked surprised by his out burst while the rest of the students and facility in the general area looked at the boy with confusion and annoyance. But there was only one response he was worried about. Doumeki was turned towards the shorter boy with a small smile. He nodded and turned to retreat to their usual lunch spot. He saw Himawari-chan's smile out of the corner of his eye. "Oh," she said with her usual brightness, "Is that all?" She giggled as she made her way towards Doumeki. Defeated and humiliated, Watanuki sulked and slowly headed towards the other two.

They began their lunch in the usual manner as Himawari chatted happily and Doumeki took large helpings from the bento. Watanuki sighed and looked over at the taller boy. Mutual understanding passed between them and it was quickly replaced by Watanuki's annoyance. "Oi, this tempera is a bit burnt. Tomorrow be more careful when you make it." The shorter boy growled and things seemed to be normal. As for the rest of the school, every one continued on their way because, honestly, no one was really that surprised.

Alright. That's that end of the story. I planned on closing it here because I think the story ends nicely without becoming to trait. Either way, thanks to all that reviewed and I'm glad this story seemed to go over well with so many people. There are far too little xxxholic stories out there and I'm glad there is a reliable and dedicated audience.


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